Southbank Feet

Water

Water's what I'll fucking get
It's so great and fucking wet
Chuck it down your fucking throat
Ride it in a fucking boat

Radiator Chequerboard Floor

Fireplace room

Toilet

Look a new bizarre animal has been discovered!!!!!!

Repondez moi

I live in a house without a roof or balcony without bees are not even on the jam jars are not even birds not even nature is not even a house I left, passing a few words on the wall of corridor leading down to parking a car for the great words not even insults if someone hears them answer me answer me my heart is afraid of being immured be your ice tower condemns the sound of trucks passing him who dreamed of star fields of daffodils to hang necklaces on the shoulders of girls but in the morning takes you to your current habits and your evening forest of antennas and connected to the solitude and the moon shines full as the wind is blowing south you you do not hear and I see your dog going great in the eyes of ice borne on cushions that embrace to master effloresces hand must pass the word to effloresces hand My heart is afraid to too little space condemns the sound of passing trucks and rain of daffodils to shelter the shoulders of girls but the last of the fairies seek his wand My friend, the stream is sleeping in a plastic bottle seasons stopped to feet of synthetic trees There was more than me and I live in my house without a roof or balcony without bees are not even on the jam jars


Francis Cabrel ft. Google Translate. 

A clever trick

As many are probably aware, I am in desperate need of somewhere new to live. The house where I live is an absolute repressive dive, with no working showers, no internet and windows and blinds which do not close. Earlier today, I found the following email in my inbox:

"Thanks for your interest in my property and sorry for the late response as i am just recovering from some pains.I am ****** ,the owner of the property You are interested in.

 Me and My wife to be used to stay in the property but right now,We are currently in Wales due to a contract I have in Wales but I can fly down to London for You to view anytime You want to.All bills are included as well as the council tax.Note that i have several properties around the world and am well-to-do and that is why i am offering cheap rent to those in need of cheap and affordable rent especially students as i am not really after the money because i am aware that what shall it profit a man to gain the whole world and loose his soul.My property is completely private and comes furnished but you can decide to move in with your own furniture if you wish.Also,i will like to know how many months you intend staying,your contact phone numbers,the country you are in at the moment.Note that the room has its own private kitchen,toilet and bathroom so that means you will not share with anybody."

 

Obviously this email immediately seemed too good to be true! There were pictures attached of an absolutely beautiful flat, and a note saying that the rent would be £100 per week, which is what I currently pay for my dank pit of a room. 

With absolutely no confidence in the existence of said room, but feeling too curious not to reply, I tentatively asked for more details.

"Thanks for your interest in my property once again.I have attached a copy of my ID for the purpose of trust and i have told you there is high speed internet connection available already.

I can reserve my property for you till we meet in London because i will like to let you know that there are some other interested candidates but you are among the top candidates after reading through your last email and I see You sound responsible but note that we will only deal on a first come first serve basis.

If You really want my apartment,you will have to make a refundable deposit of £1000 to my bank account below:

BANK NAME: HALIFAX BANK

BENEFICIARY NAME: *********

ACCOUNT NUMBER: ****

SORT CODE: ****

Immediately after I confirm from my bank that the deposit has truly been sent by you,i can reserve my property for you and shelve aside other interested candidates who may pay the deposit before you if you are not fast enough and note that the deposit is refundable on the day you come for viewing,i just want to be sure that you are not a time waster before i come to London and that is why i require evidence of the deposit.
Another reason for these actions is that I had a bitter experience recently in the hands of one so-called interested candidate who made me come down to London claiming he was interested in my property and on getting to the London,i waited for him at the meeting spot and the idiot ended up wasting my precious time and money only for him to call me later on that he was sorry and that he will not be able to rent my flat anymore because the person he was expecting money from disappointed him so i have resolved that anybody interested in my flat must show signs of seriousness by paying the deposit before i travel down to the London and reserve my property for such person.
 At the moment,i am still trying to recover from the bitter experience i had recently in the hands of that man so after making the transfer,kindly get back to me with the evidence that you have made the deposit by scanning a copy of the confirmation of the transfer and after i have confirmed that the deposit has been truly made by you,i will issue an official document confirming the booking to you to sign as an evidence of payment of the deposit.

If you make fast enough deposit today,i will be available today as well for viewing.

REGARDS.

*******"

 

It seems that I have fallen prey to the hands of a trickster! 

 

I do understand that there are always going to be people out there who are going to try to take money from others by underhanded means, but it really does boggle the mind to actually see it in action. 

Bad Teacher

The eye is immediately drawn to the apple. In the US, the apple is associated with teaching; more specifically as a gift from a child to a teacher, as a symbol of goodwill. More pertinently than this though, the apple is a Biblical symbol of both corruption and knowledge, encompassing both sides of the eponymous “Bad Teacher”, presumably the woman holding the apple. This apple immediately creates the teacher as an Eve figure, a woman who has come across some kind of forbidden knowledge and who will tempt innocent men to follow the same path. The ‘apple’ symbolism as The Forbidden Fruit when taken in conjunction with the apple as the Gift for Teacher creates further darker questions. The apple has a note affixed to it: “Eat Me”, but who gave this apple to Teacher? In the bible, Eve does not eat the forbidden fruit under her own volition, so who is trying to lead this woman astray? Two men stand behind the woman in the advert; but are they the tempters or the tempted? In the story of Alice in Wonderland, a similar “Eat Me” note is fixed to food. Alice grows far too tall, gaining a powerful, intoxicating authority, but also an inability to fit properly into her surrounds and an unfortunate resemblance to a snake. In the presumably more naturalistic “Bad Teacher”, we can see already that the teacher is going to have trouble controlling the power and authority which she experiences as a result of the knowledge which she has gained. I, for one, am interested in seeing what conclusions this darkly symbolic piece brings to our cinema screens.

Sunday morning

I remember one particular Sunday morning where,
pre-empting the inevitable loss which would occur:
I attempted to make a cage inside my head
Which would trap us indefinitely in your bed

You are gone but the cage is there
Nestled beneath my birdsnest hair
And I'm endlessly lost inside my head
Alone, on Sunday, in your old bed.

Love Poem

I want to suck your left knee,Cut little holes in my stomach put your fingers in there kiss your eyes. I want to know what it's like to lick your teeth with your tongue,I want to paint you blue shave off all your body hair and ask you about your relationship with your fatherI think I would be happier if you would spit all of my food into my mouth.


Will you go out with me?